My dad moved on too quickly after Mum’s death – with my best friend
DEAR DEIDRE: My best mate kept cancelling our gym sessions because she was having a sexual fling - with my dad.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’d laugh because what woman of 28 wants to have a fling with a 50 year old? Or cry because my lovely mum passed away on Boxing Day.
I’m a 26 year-old woman and I work for a builders’ merchants. My best friend works in accounts and she was one of the first people I met when I came to this job four years ago.
We have the same music tastes and have spent many nights out together. She was my rock when my mum was diagnosed with cancer early last year.
She would come round to the house with dishes of lasagne or come with us to hospital appointments and when Mum was finally admitted to hospital, she’d cook for my dad while I visited Mum then we’d swap. I never thought anything of it.
After Mum died, she made sure I was busy and we joined a new gym but after just two weeks, she was making last-minute excuses. She’d lose her money and I’d do the class alone.
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Two weeks ago I started to feel sick so skipped my usual spin class. Walking home I was surprised to see my friend’s car parked outside.
When I put the key in the door I heard hushed panicked sounds coming from the front room. Walking in it was very obvious, as they rushed to do up buttons, what they had been up to. I’ve phoned in sick to work since.
Dad says they’re in love but it’s ridiculous.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: People can behave irrationally when they’ve lost a loved one but I understand why you’re upset.
You feel betrayed by your friend and your father has played his part in this too. Diverting his attention towards your friend gave him the escape from reality of losing your mum.
Whether this relationship is just a phase or something more permanent, do encourage your father to have some professional bereavement counselling. Check out The Good Grief Trust (thegoodgrieftrust.org/) which can help you too.
Only your father or your friend can decide if this relationship can go the distance.
Try to see other friends so that you’re not constantly thinking about your father’s situation.
My support pack on counselling will show you where to find emotional support.