“Would you rather live a safe life or an authentic one?”
For Shea Couleé, that question has felt like a dare all their life. The child of a Christian minister, the 30-year-old drag artist (neé Jaren Merrell) was born in a deeply religious household in the Chicago suburb of Plainfield, Illinois. Growing up black and queer, Couleé had few opportunities to see that it was possible to live authentically as their full selves. One notable exception, however, was seeing J. Alexander appear as a runway coach on America’s Next Top Model. Often referred to by contestants and judges as “Miss J,” Alexander used feminine pronouns; Couleé says they admired how she “would show up in women's clothing, presenting dresses and blouses.”
“That’s just who she is — not dressing in drag, but just presenting as a very openly queer individual,” Couleé says. “To me, that was really wonderful. If I would have seen more representation like that, I would have been inspired to come out even quicker, but I really only had that one.”
Couleé is one of a growing number of drag performers who identify as non-binary, many of whom include their fellow RuPaul’s Drag Race alums. The ever-expanding list includes Adore Delano, Valentina, Jinkx Monsoon, Aja, BenDeLaCreme and Sasha Velour, the latter of whom Couleé competed against in Season 9 of the show. Couleé counts their RuPaul’s Drag Race sibling as pivotal in their own understanding of themselves as neither male nor female, along with Season Seven winner Violet Chachki (who identifies as gender fluid).
As Couleé prepares to begin developing an as-yet-untitled one-woman show based on the music of Britney Spears, the superstar sat down with them. to discuss their gender journey.
As you’re very aware, not every non-binary person views their gender the same way. It's a really big umbrella. Some identify as somewhere along the spectrum between male and female, while others don't identify with the concept of gender at all. How would you describe what it feels like to inhabit your own personal gender identity?
At least for me in my personal life, being non-binary is just a lot easier. It feels less forced. Growing up, my family had very specific expectations for how they wanted me to behave. There's a lot of toxic masculinity in the black community, and most of that stems from oppression due to slavery, where black men have been very emasculated by cis men. Often they want to raise their sons to be as strong, hardened, and tough as possible, because life for black individuals can be very tough and simply dangerous. As a child who was softer, more vulnerable, and showed empathy, I’m sure it made me look like a target to my parents, someone who was weak.
But I've always been very strong-willed. Even though I knew I was different, I stayed very firm in just being me. Something that my mom would say all the time growing up — and I don't even think she realized — was, "Oh, Jaren, boys don't talk like that." "Boys don't stand like that.” Boys don't do this and boys don't do that. She was basically saying that some things that came very naturally to me were qualities that were only to be exhibited by a girl. That was really confusing, because it never really felt like it was so black and white, so this or that. I just felt like I was being me. Those were some of the first signs at a young age that I knew that my personal feelings about gender didn't quite fit into the status quo.
There's a quote from Darnell Moore's “No Ashes in the Fire” that resonates with what you're saying. He says that claiming ourselves is “a quest for history, because we come to be the people we are within the context of a larger world ruled by powerful, insidious forces.” How did you come to define your own identity in opposition to those forces?
Drag was me embracing the feminine, and in typical masculine culture, that's treason. Why would you want to give up the privilege given to you by being born male? That was really frightening to me. I felt really vulnerable because I remember saying to a friend before I even ventured into drag, "I feel like I have this feminine personality that lives inside of me, and I just really wish that I could let her out." Even using a feminine pronoun when referring to myself in drag, that was something that felt really radical to me at the time, when I was 21 or 22.
It was through drag that I really started to understand that I have feelings that don't necessarily lean toward what is considered stereotypically male, but I also have feelings that are very much what some would consider to be masculine. I thought, "My duality exists within who I am as Jaren and then who I perform as as Shea," but as I continue to do drag, the difference between the two isn't [so divided]. Shea is a part of me and very much who I am. The only difference is that I put on makeup and a wig.
How has coming out as non-binary changed your approach to drag?
It hasn't changed my approach to drag at all. If anything, it gives me more freedom to not think in binary terms about my work. In so many ways, drag is a visual artform. You hide this because that makes you look masculine. You amp that up because it makes you look more feminine. You go to the gym, and you only do cardio because muscles will make you look masculine. But recently I've gotten really into weightlifting, and I realized there's nothing wrong with that. Think about women like Serena Williams. She has a really powerful body and one that some might think is masculine, but there's something beautifully feminine about how powerful it is.
That started to change my outlook. I allowed myself to develop a different gym routine and not care if my biceps got bigger. Because so what? I am who am I am. It's given me a certain sense of relief to not try and fit into such a specific mold in my drag.
"RuPaul's Drag Race" has sometimes been criticized for a lack of non-binary representation. For instance, there has yet to be a bearded drag queen on the show. What do you think the program could do to expand opportunities for drag queens who identify outside gender norms?
I think they need to stop worrying about whether or not the fans are ready, because I think they are. I understand that the show’s viewership has gotten much younger as the franchise has grown. The creators of the show, they have family and young kids and there are things I feel like they think could potentially be confusing, but I don't think it's too hard to explain that there are many different people of different gender identities that perform in drag. If they were to open up and give those individuals opportunities, that would help solidify the entire concept that “we're all born naked and the rest is drag.” Drag comes in so many different types of forms, and we have to be open to giving opportunities to everybody — because we really could be shutting out amazing talent.
I would also like to see some older queens on the show. Progressively, the queens on the show are getting younger and younger. That's not to say that you can't be young and be fierce. Aquaria is a perfect example of being young and being fierce, but drag is something that comes with time. It also gets better with experience. There are so many young artists who start off doing drag at 15, just in their room painting, taking pictures on the computer, and posting them on Instagram. But they haven't quite lived the culture yet. I feel like we're getting away from some of the core experiences that really lend themselves to drag queens who have a very enriched point of view.
Even as non-binary representation grows, many people do still look at drag queens as “men in dresses.” The earliest laws actually targeting drag in the U.S. were about policing "female impersonation." Obviously neither one of those things describes you. What does it mean to occupy a space for yourself as a drag performer when you identify as neither male or female?
Something that I'm learning to do more with my drag and my art is to lift the veil of drag culture as a parody or an impersonation. I'm using it as an opportunity to give people a deeper look into me and who I am. It allows me to be more vulnerable and open. Regardless of how I'm dressed or how I'm presenting on stage, I still want the fans to look at me and see that what they're witnessing — this performer, this artist — is really just trying to present you with their most authentic self. That's where I feel most like myself, is on stage. That's how I've always been, ever since I was a little kid.
Once I started to use drag as gender performance, to study that and understand my identity through that, I feel now that being a gender non-binary person occupying drag spaces is freeing. Everything I'm doing when I'm in those spaces is as authentically me as I can be. Being able to embrace that, and not care about other people's perceptions of my art, is a true gift.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
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