EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT: Nudists
According to the biggest survey ever into British naturism, one in seven people now describe themselves as naturists or nudists. In 2011 it was only one in 17.
A swelling in the ranks?
That’s just the sort of Carry On comment I’d expect of a textile.
A what?
It’s how naturists refer to wearers-of-clothes.
I was simply observing that the order has plenty of…
Go on…
Members.
Have you got it out of your system now?
We clothes-wearers are embarrassed by nakedness, so resort to ribald humour when forced to face a bare bottom or tackle…
Bare with: Barbara Windsor in 1969’s Carry on Camping
Tackle what?
That was the end of the sentence.
Do you realise naturists and nudists aren’t the same thing?
That distinction had eluded me.
Nudists simply like being nude.
And naturists prefer to do it while watching Countryfile?
According to camping website alanrogers.com, ‘Naturism is a lifestyle that can encompass respect for others, vegetarianism and healthy eating, teetotalism and yoga.’
Good to know, although one might argue that ‘respect for others’ and ‘naked yoga’ are mutually exclusive.
I would add ‘cold water’ tothe list of proclivities because, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there was recently a national naked swim.
I hope you’ve noticed me refraining from making a quip about chilly...
Well done. Sadly, the Daily Star couldn’t manage similar restraint.
What did it go with?
‘Sun’s out, bums out’.
Like I said, we textiles can’t help laughing at nakedness.
Meanwhile, a few weekends ago, there were record turnouts as thousands of naked cyclists filled the streets of London and Brighton to protest about car pollution.
Hopefully bike security was paramount at the pitstops.
It was indeed.
In which case the Daily Star missed a headline trick. I’d have gone with locks out...
Moving swiftly on, earlier this month members of British Naturism were invited to wander naked around the gardens of Alnwick Castle (aka Hogwarts).
Has the Duchess of Northumberland no regard for health and safety?
What do you mean?
The last thing she wants is a load of stark-naked Harry Potter fans bending over the roses.
Why?
Because, as any HP aficionado will tell you, nobody should look into the Chamber of Secrets.
If the majesty of an 11th-century castle can’t elevate your mind, what about the mystery of matrimony?
I take it Brits are also getting married in the altogether.
They are, on a beach in Sardinia. Although Luigi Tedeschi, the mayor of the island’s San Vero Milis, informed The Times that brides should not be completely naked.
What should they wear?
‘A nice veil’, said Tedeschi, ‘for tradition’s sake’.
Speaking of European tradition, if nakedness is having a moment, then the continental beaches must be heaving with leathery German men who’ve lost…
Don’t mention the war!
I was going to say, the battle with gravity.
Despite this Brit boom in naturism, the German Association for Free Body Culture is currently down from 65,000 members (in the late 1990s) to 34,000, reports The Times.
How did its readers respond to that news?
‘I fear the wurst is yet to come’, and ‘of all the things in the world to be sad about, the decline in numbers of naked Germans is low on the list.’
Fair comments, and you’ve missed a very important observation from reader Steve P Winston about naked weddings.
Is this going to be a smutty remark about rings?
No. Steve simply pointed out that one direction commonly used during wedding ceremonies may be open to misinterpretation.
Go on…
‘Will the congregation please rise?’