Grace Millane's shattered mother reveals she considered taking her own life after her backpacker daughter's Tinder date murder in New Zealand and her husband died during Covid
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Grace Millane's mother has revealed she contemplated suicide after her daughter was murdered while backpacking in New Zealand and her husband died of cancer during the pandemic.
Gillian Millane said she was left in a 'really dark place' when her husband died two years after Grace, who was brutally murdered by her Tinder date on the eve of her 22nd birthday.
Five years ago a week-long search was launched after Grace did not respond to her family's birthday messages on December 2. She was eventually discovered dead in the New Zealand bushland.
Her killer, Jesse Kempson, then 26, claimed in court Grace's death was an accident and that she had asked to be strangled during sex - but the jury saw through his lies and unanimously convicted him of murder. He was sentenced to life in prison.
Her mother has spent the last five years campaigning to change the law on the 'rough sex' defence, fundraising for charity and helping support victims of domestic abuse.
Five years ago Grace Millane, 21, was murdered by a man she met on Tinder in New Zealand
Grace's mother Gillian (pictured) said she was left in a 'really dark place' after her husband also died during the pandemic
Grace (right), pictured with her parents and two brothers before the trip which would result in her murder
Ms Millane credits her loved ones, long walks and 'lots of counselling' for surviving her 'really dark time'.
She told the BBC: 'I did contemplate suicide. That is a horrid place to be. But I couldn't bring any more sadness to the family. Grace had such a bright future and it was taken away from her and us.
'I will never see Grace in a wedding dress or see her grandchildren. This is a life sentence I've got. This is me until the day I die. But there is a light and I found it. You have to find that inner strength.'
Remembering the trial of her daughter's killer, Ms Millane said she felt as if 'Grace was on trial and she couldn't defend herself'.
She was spurred on to campaign for a change in the law, and successfully helped ensure the 'rough sex' defence is banned in murder cases, alongside the charity We Can't Consent To This.
Ms Millane said after her husband died it wasn't until after the pandemic when the family could finally hold a memorial service that she reached a turning point.
A friend pulled her on to the dance floor and she described how she saw 'everyone smiling'.
Remembering the trial of her daughter's killer, Ms Millane said she felt as if 'Grace was on trial and she couldn't defend herself'
Ms Millane told the BBC her daughter Grace was her 'best friend'
Jesse Kempson, then 26, was found guilty of murder after claiming Grace's death was an accident during rough sex
Ms Millane, who has two sons, said she still sometimes finds herself in a 'black hole' but has a good support system in place to help her get out of it.
She also found focus when she trained to hike Mount Kilimanjaro over Christmas last year. She left two stones, engraved with Grace and David's names, at the summit.
The climb raised £33,000 for the White Ribbon Charity, which works to end male violence against women.
But her fundraising efforts did not stop there. Four years ago Gillian started a charity initiative, Love Grace, with her niece Hannah. The pair collect donated handbags and fill them with essential toiletries for victims of domestic abuse.
They have filled 15,600 bags for women in the UK and across the world and have even received an award from the Prime Minister.
Each handbag has a label with Grace's handwriting on it in a tribute to her memory.
Ms Millane said: 'We were just doing it for our grief so that Grace would never just be a number.
'They get this bag, they are not expecting it and they have gone through hell. We get hundreds of letters from people who have received the bags, it's heartbreaking.'
Next year, Ms Millane is to apply to make Love Grace an official charity.
She is also set to train for a hike to Mount Everest base camp, where she will leave two more stones.
One day, she intends to travel to New Zealand, where Grace was killed. But for now, Ms Millane just wants to 'make the world a better place'.
For confidential help and support, call the Samaritans for free from a UK phone on 116 123 or go to samaritans.org.