Ultra Feminine
ULTRA FEMININE
I always thought about it... then I tried it... now I have become it... and my motto so be
Before
I am a simple individual. I didn't know when it was but it was always like nature. I never really thought otherwise until I was told not to. There was no one to tell. I just hid it in the bottom of my heart. I would imagine it. Think about it all the time. That was the shy reserved repressed little me as I grew up. It was awkward also as my family had no time for me and only left me to deal with my own dilemmas. Life is full of dilemmas. It was not I did not understand what I was feeling, but I did not know how to express it. Looking cute, being clean and smelling nice, I thought it was all part of nature. Then you would get teased, teased for having girly hands, girly legs and a girly waist. This only reinforced my understanding that I was meant to be otherwise. This developed many years, and often I would weep myself to sleep failing to understand why and how things came to be. I was a lonely individual and a very quiet one. Even on the occasions of family gatherings and everything. So lonely was I not able to function. I was not particularly poor at school, but truth is my mind was elsewhere. I thought of other things. I still remember the time when I excelled, achieved excellence in a school speech, but when I stood up there I realised to myself that the stares I had back were blank faces of confusion. They all look confused. How can they not be confused. I was confused and everything coming out of my lips were just confusion after confusion. This was my first revelation, that I was standing before others who did not recognise me. Who was this student? The unfamiliarity somehow became familiar. I was familiar with this oddity, the feeling of unease. The restlessness was apparent inside of me. But I stood calm, quite, tranquil and delivered the rest of my speech with poise and a serene voice. But deep down I was troubled with my own self. Who was this person speaking before me? Is this just an out of person experience they speak of? Am I a ghost in a shell? Those questions circled my mind as I delivered that speech even though I did not even forget one word from memorising that speech. Little did everyone know that I was adrift elsewhere.
It was a long time coming, but I had developed a feeling of disdain. Not a disdain for myself, but a disdain for who I was. I had to escape, I knew I was different. It was not a case of changing. It was a case of becoming. I was someone who others did not see me for. They wanted me to change, to become what in their eyes was what I was meant to be. I resisted. I fathomed about my life before me and what who I am. The countless hours of staring in the mirror made me realise, this was an occasion where the inner and outer where near at one. I had to shake off the stereotypes and pursue what I felt was the truth. So I told others. Others who I did not know whether I could trust, but because I knew them for so long I could tell them. It was more like a small k** trying out a secret for approval. Silence. Maybe it was an odd thing to say at the time, surely odd in the context of a fairly traditional asian heritage. They took it as a joke. I always suspected that after that night it went downhill. They laughed it off but behind my back they knew what was happening. I was no longer the person they felt deserved them. I was queer. Strange and eccentric. I stayed to myself, but I remained true to myself. So I persevered until I could. Perhaps all those like myself went through similar stages, but I was very quiet about everything until it was the right time. When it was the right time I took it upon myself to grasp it. Whether it was right or wrong maybe time will tell, but if I was the only person who needed to decide this, I would say it was alright. It took me a while to plan everything, plan everything in secret. The beginnings and the phases. I studied further and immersed myself in the life ahead of me and what I could experience. I wrote it in my diary, every day, every other day and then some more on some days. Until one day, the maid found my diary while cleaning my room. I told her not to clean my room but she was new, she didn't know that no one could enter my room without my permission. It was usually locked, but I must've been careless. I went in finding her going through my diary, eyes wide open. It was very odd. I snatched it off her after a 10 second staring contest and simply curled up in my bed and started crying. I don't know what came over me. But it just happened. It was a weird night. I did not eat that night. Or the two nights after. It must've been sheer will or just plain insanity. On the third night, I felt a bit restless and hungry. So in the dead of the night I crept downstairs and into the wide open kitchen. Around the corner I went to peer into what was in the fridge. Some leftover cake. I felt sick whilst I took a few bites, but at the same time I yearned for the nice sweetness after my unplanned fast. As I strolled in the midnight, I came to the laundry room. I kept walking. Through a back-room door, I saw a gap. I stood as I saw the silhouette of a person, standing up with arms up. I could see a streak of hazy light, the moonlight through the glazed window. The light shone through, showing the shapely figure. She was not beautiful, but I was mesmerized. Those nice sumptuous curves and the slinky cotton sliding down a thigh. I realized she had seen me. I looked up to the figure's face. She did not seem shocked, she stood still. We stood still. Moments later she signalled me in. I walked in slowly, admiring this female body which was fully exposed but for the see-through cotton negligee. She picked my hand up slowly and without hesitation, she placed it on her stomach, slowly scrapping higher until the back of my left palm was firmly nestled under her right tit. After that initial shock, a quiet lovely shock, I began to investigate for myself. What are those lovely things... those lovely feminine things I wanted every Christmas.
Now
It has been a strange road, but now things have come to pass. It was not about finding my identity, as I had found it always. I had no doubt. It was about finding my own courage to take it on myself to be true to myself. To escape the stereotypes of this world. I may have lost much on my way here, I have also gained much much more. In the past year or so I have been a bit more of a hermit, still getting use to everything. The changes within and without. I must keep to a schedule, a fixed schedule. I heard there are stages of these things, and the best outcomes is if one follows the appropriate directions and maintains a healthy lifestyle to let the bubbly juices set in, to let the hormones develop and get use to each other. It's a strange and lonely path that not many people understand. There is no glamour and there are no parties. To do it right is like a long detailed surgery, everything must be done right to really embrace this new life of mine. sleeping early and drinking lots of water are a must. But it is also about getting use to your own changes and getting use to changing your behaviour so that you become more rounded, a full-bred woman. It was an odd journey, but to me it is only beginning. The long a ponderous path is now behind me, it is time for me to embrace the next stage of being me so it seems. In the recent past I have chosen to go out more. To explore my physique and my mentality. I still love the things I have loved being. I enjoy my ice cream, I enjoy video games and science fictions stuff, I find it romantic. I definitely love, and can now express, the long-hair long-nail tenderness and the prettiness of it all. I still enjoy nice long bubble baths to cleanse the soul while a nice aroma candle is lit through the night. Those days of lying around in a resort room is just heavenly. I still enjoy my comics, my anime and my lovely collection of plush toys, and they are ever increasing. I think it is a process, and it is a process I am growing through. What I want from here is hard to say. Maybe just friends or just like-minded people to communicate with. It is difficult to say, and even more difficult to express, but I would love to make new friends in this world, the world that understands us and cherishes us, that wants to be with us. Will you enter this world with me?
in recent year i have sort of ventured out and tried new things. now i am a bit more confident about things. took a while getting use to things as I started HRT about 3 years ago and was a pretty big transition. i wanted everything to be perfect. but also had a bit of a hard time adjusting with constant changes in my voice and changes to my hair and other things. so really took a bit of courage to start coming out again and socialising with people. i initially didn't really think it would be right, but i somehow found myself doing some semi-modelling gigs for a friend who was trying to get into a prestigious art college. then i got a few more offers to do a lot still-photos. it kind of just went from there, from still posing to then moving on with trying basically more interactive stuff by going to bars and clubs and just dancing. wasn't easy either since i am not a particularly good dancer and never will be (just not very coordinated), but after i was told most people don't really dance, you just "move" i kind of felt better about myself. so then i became a bit of a casual, doing promotional events, mostly for bar and club openings,and then being more of a full-time dancer or hostess. it was great because i get to meet a lot of very energetic, outgoing people that have lots of insight and experiences. which i love. and with that also came with my first attempts at finally exploring my sexuality. it is just simply much easier in the dark of the club and the loud noise. the alcohol sort of helps too. but yes, believe it or not i was actually a virgin until i was 21 (last year). heheheeh *blush? my first experience was kind of weird, but was basically at an end of a promotional show i did for the opening of a small underground club which was a gym before and i hung out with one of the bar-tenders, Jim, who was like a 30 something army guy, after just packing some stuff. we sort of stayed till quite late, 4am, just chatting and packing some stuff. he sort of complimented how sexily slim i was and i sort of ate it all up. not really sure how it then happened, but we sort of went into the storeroom for packing the liquor and we kissed a bit. i was admittedly all new to it so was playing the passenger in most of it. he was quite nice and gentle too, but definitely was not shy, especially when he was kissing my neck and my back as he slid me up onto a crate and felt down between my legs. he didn't really react much, i guess because he was experienced, but he basically had no problem with raising me up and licking my little one before mouthing it entirely... that was a special night. opened me up and realized i was ready for more... much much more... and really enjoyed being in the embrace of a nice strong arm and feeling another rough shaft rubbing against my thighs and edging around my tiny butt...
Fuck the pain away? and be happy!!!!!
Valerie
I always thought about it... then I tried it... now I have become it... and my motto so be
Before
I am a simple individual. I didn't know when it was but it was always like nature. I never really thought otherwise until I was told not to. There was no one to tell. I just hid it in the bottom of my heart. I would imagine it. Think about it all the time. That was the shy reserved repressed little me as I grew up. It was awkward also as my family had no time for me and only left me to deal with my own dilemmas. Life is full of dilemmas. It was not I did not understand what I was feeling, but I did not know how to express it. Looking cute, being clean and smelling nice, I thought it was all part of nature. Then you would get teased, teased for having girly hands, girly legs and a girly waist. This only reinforced my understanding that I was meant to be otherwise. This developed many years, and often I would weep myself to sleep failing to understand why and how things came to be. I was a lonely individual and a very quiet one. Even on the occasions of family gatherings and everything. So lonely was I not able to function. I was not particularly poor at school, but truth is my mind was elsewhere. I thought of other things. I still remember the time when I excelled, achieved excellence in a school speech, but when I stood up there I realised to myself that the stares I had back were blank faces of confusion. They all look confused. How can they not be confused. I was confused and everything coming out of my lips were just confusion after confusion. This was my first revelation, that I was standing before others who did not recognise me. Who was this student? The unfamiliarity somehow became familiar. I was familiar with this oddity, the feeling of unease. The restlessness was apparent inside of me. But I stood calm, quite, tranquil and delivered the rest of my speech with poise and a serene voice. But deep down I was troubled with my own self. Who was this person speaking before me? Is this just an out of person experience they speak of? Am I a ghost in a shell? Those questions circled my mind as I delivered that speech even though I did not even forget one word from memorising that speech. Little did everyone know that I was adrift elsewhere.
It was a long time coming, but I had developed a feeling of disdain. Not a disdain for myself, but a disdain for who I was. I had to escape, I knew I was different. It was not a case of changing. It was a case of becoming. I was someone who others did not see me for. They wanted me to change, to become what in their eyes was what I was meant to be. I resisted. I fathomed about my life before me and what who I am. The countless hours of staring in the mirror made me realise, this was an occasion where the inner and outer where near at one. I had to shake off the stereotypes and pursue what I felt was the truth. So I told others. Others who I did not know whether I could trust, but because I knew them for so long I could tell them. It was more like a small k** trying out a secret for approval. Silence. Maybe it was an odd thing to say at the time, surely odd in the context of a fairly traditional asian heritage. They took it as a joke. I always suspected that after that night it went downhill. They laughed it off but behind my back they knew what was happening. I was no longer the person they felt deserved them. I was queer. Strange and eccentric. I stayed to myself, but I remained true to myself. So I persevered until I could. Perhaps all those like myself went through similar stages, but I was very quiet about everything until it was the right time. When it was the right time I took it upon myself to grasp it. Whether it was right or wrong maybe time will tell, but if I was the only person who needed to decide this, I would say it was alright. It took me a while to plan everything, plan everything in secret. The beginnings and the phases. I studied further and immersed myself in the life ahead of me and what I could experience. I wrote it in my diary, every day, every other day and then some more on some days. Until one day, the maid found my diary while cleaning my room. I told her not to clean my room but she was new, she didn't know that no one could enter my room without my permission. It was usually locked, but I must've been careless. I went in finding her going through my diary, eyes wide open. It was very odd. I snatched it off her after a 10 second staring contest and simply curled up in my bed and started crying. I don't know what came over me. But it just happened. It was a weird night. I did not eat that night. Or the two nights after. It must've been sheer will or just plain insanity. On the third night, I felt a bit restless and hungry. So in the dead of the night I crept downstairs and into the wide open kitchen. Around the corner I went to peer into what was in the fridge. Some leftover cake. I felt sick whilst I took a few bites, but at the same time I yearned for the nice sweetness after my unplanned fast. As I strolled in the midnight, I came to the laundry room. I kept walking. Through a back-room door, I saw a gap. I stood as I saw the silhouette of a person, standing up with arms up. I could see a streak of hazy light, the moonlight through the glazed window. The light shone through, showing the shapely figure. She was not beautiful, but I was mesmerized. Those nice sumptuous curves and the slinky cotton sliding down a thigh. I realized she had seen me. I looked up to the figure's face. She did not seem shocked, she stood still. We stood still. Moments later she signalled me in. I walked in slowly, admiring this female body which was fully exposed but for the see-through cotton negligee. She picked my hand up slowly and without hesitation, she placed it on her stomach, slowly scrapping higher until the back of my left palm was firmly nestled under her right tit. After that initial shock, a quiet lovely shock, I began to investigate for myself. What are those lovely things... those lovely feminine things I wanted every Christmas.
Now
It has been a strange road, but now things have come to pass. It was not about finding my identity, as I had found it always. I had no doubt. It was about finding my own courage to take it on myself to be true to myself. To escape the stereotypes of this world. I may have lost much on my way here, I have also gained much much more. In the past year or so I have been a bit more of a hermit, still getting use to everything. The changes within and without. I must keep to a schedule, a fixed schedule. I heard there are stages of these things, and the best outcomes is if one follows the appropriate directions and maintains a healthy lifestyle to let the bubbly juices set in, to let the hormones develop and get use to each other. It's a strange and lonely path that not many people understand. There is no glamour and there are no parties. To do it right is like a long detailed surgery, everything must be done right to really embrace this new life of mine. sleeping early and drinking lots of water are a must. But it is also about getting use to your own changes and getting use to changing your behaviour so that you become more rounded, a full-bred woman. It was an odd journey, but to me it is only beginning. The long a ponderous path is now behind me, it is time for me to embrace the next stage of being me so it seems. In the recent past I have chosen to go out more. To explore my physique and my mentality. I still love the things I have loved being. I enjoy my ice cream, I enjoy video games and science fictions stuff, I find it romantic. I definitely love, and can now express, the long-hair long-nail tenderness and the prettiness of it all. I still enjoy nice long bubble baths to cleanse the soul while a nice aroma candle is lit through the night. Those days of lying around in a resort room is just heavenly. I still enjoy my comics, my anime and my lovely collection of plush toys, and they are ever increasing. I think it is a process, and it is a process I am growing through. What I want from here is hard to say. Maybe just friends or just like-minded people to communicate with. It is difficult to say, and even more difficult to express, but I would love to make new friends in this world, the world that understands us and cherishes us, that wants to be with us. Will you enter this world with me?
in recent year i have sort of ventured out and tried new things. now i am a bit more confident about things. took a while getting use to things as I started HRT about 3 years ago and was a pretty big transition. i wanted everything to be perfect. but also had a bit of a hard time adjusting with constant changes in my voice and changes to my hair and other things. so really took a bit of courage to start coming out again and socialising with people. i initially didn't really think it would be right, but i somehow found myself doing some semi-modelling gigs for a friend who was trying to get into a prestigious art college. then i got a few more offers to do a lot still-photos. it kind of just went from there, from still posing to then moving on with trying basically more interactive stuff by going to bars and clubs and just dancing. wasn't easy either since i am not a particularly good dancer and never will be (just not very coordinated), but after i was told most people don't really dance, you just "move" i kind of felt better about myself. so then i became a bit of a casual, doing promotional events, mostly for bar and club openings,and then being more of a full-time dancer or hostess. it was great because i get to meet a lot of very energetic, outgoing people that have lots of insight and experiences. which i love. and with that also came with my first attempts at finally exploring my sexuality. it is just simply much easier in the dark of the club and the loud noise. the alcohol sort of helps too. but yes, believe it or not i was actually a virgin until i was 21 (last year). heheheeh *blush? my first experience was kind of weird, but was basically at an end of a promotional show i did for the opening of a small underground club which was a gym before and i hung out with one of the bar-tenders, Jim, who was like a 30 something army guy, after just packing some stuff. we sort of stayed till quite late, 4am, just chatting and packing some stuff. he sort of complimented how sexily slim i was and i sort of ate it all up. not really sure how it then happened, but we sort of went into the storeroom for packing the liquor and we kissed a bit. i was admittedly all new to it so was playing the passenger in most of it. he was quite nice and gentle too, but definitely was not shy, especially when he was kissing my neck and my back as he slid me up onto a crate and felt down between my legs. he didn't really react much, i guess because he was experienced, but he basically had no problem with raising me up and licking my little one before mouthing it entirely... that was a special night. opened me up and realized i was ready for more... much much more... and really enjoyed being in the embrace of a nice strong arm and feeling another rough shaft rubbing against my thighs and edging around my tiny butt...
Fuck the pain away? and be happy!!!!!
Valerie
7 ปี ที่ผ่านมาแล้ว